Managing Perfectionism - Week 2

Managing Perfectionism. CMHA-YRSS COLLEGE OF HEALTH & WELL-BEING.

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Confidentiality - What is said in group, stays in group Respect Diversity Teamwork - We Agree to Disagree Step up / Step back Taking Turns Communication Sharing - Everyone has the right to be heard, everyone has the right to be silent or not share Advice - Avoid giving advice - everyone’s situation is different. Offer support instead! Leaving Group - If you need to leave the group, please do so quietly and give a ‘thumbs up’ to let us know you are OK or a ‘thumbs down’ if you would like support Words – Use respectful and inclusive language (No offensive or discriminating language) Feedback - Provide feedback to others (and yourself) in a positive, productive and respectful way.

Presentation by Really Great Site. Review Last Week & Home-Practice.

[Audio] Can be in all areas of life or just one area: Examples: school, work, relationships, sports, exercise, personal appearance, home, Negative consequences: anxiety, social isolating, focusing all of your time on one area, limiting pleasurable activities, self-criticism, low self-esteem, repeating tasks, avoiding tasks..

[Audio] 1.7.2013 Last Week we talked about what perfectionism is and what can look like. These are some examples: (read slide) - don't need to go into too much detail, just reading the slide since its a review.

[Audio] 1.7.2013 Some examples on the slide of rewards we might get from being a perfectionist (don't need to spend too much time since it's a review).

[Audio] 1.7.2013 Some examples of some of the consequences we might experience when we aim to be perfect (don't need to spend too much time since it's a review).

[Audio] 1.7.2013 Last week we introduced what a "healthy striver" is.. Here are some of their qualities.

[Audio] 1.7.2013 Last week's home-practice. Ask if anyone tried this and would like to share. What did they get out of the experience?.

[Audio] Can ask questions throughout this like: What do you think – fact or fiction? Why do you think that? After showing the answer & information  does this make sense? Have you experienced this? Etc..

[Audio] 1.7.2013 Myth or fact: What do you think and why?.

[Audio] 1.7.2013. The harder someone works the better they do.

[Audio] 1.7.2013 First point: It's necessary to put in some effort, but factors such as personal interest, ability, peer support, class sizes all affect what someone can achieve. Example of athletes: a perfectionist athlete might add in extra training sessions, while other athletes are getting some rest or spending time doing other activities (being with friends, rest). Unfortunately, what can happen is an athlete might overtrain which can lead to physical exhaustion – this can result in being more likely to sustain an injury. Last point – can ask the group what they think of the last point..

[Audio] 1.7.2013 Myth or fact: What do you think and why?.

[Audio] 1.7.2013. Perfectionism does not make you more successful.

[Audio] 1.7.2013 There are, of course, successful perfectionists, but that doesn't mean that perfectionism was the key to their success. Often that success comes at the expense of their mental and physical wellbeing..

[Audio] 1.7.2013 Myth or fact: What do you think and why?.

[Audio] 1.7.2013. Striving for “Excellence” is the same as striving for “Perfection”.

[Audio] 1.7.2013 I've added some points below for the chart – you're welcome to use them or you can come up with your own  Overall, striving for excellence is more forgiving than perfectionism. Point 1: In perfectionism, people set high standards that can never be met… in those standards, there is no room for imperections and no compassion for mistakes. No matter how much you accomplish, you can constantly feel like a failure since those goals/high standards can never be met. When we strive for exercellence, we have high standards (generally, there is nothing wrong with this and can be a good thing since high standards encourage us to make improvements and do good work). The difference is with excellence, we set standards that can be met with an appropriate amount of effort, practice and persistence. Pint 2: Perfectionism  mistakes/failures are to be avoided. Perfectionsists believe this can make them inadequate or inferior to others… so they expect themselves to do better than everyone else, which is unrealistic and a stressful standard to put on ourselves. On the other hand, when we instead strive for excellence: this mindset reminds us that mistakes are normal (inevitable) and there's value in them as they can help us learn and grow. Point 3: With a perfectionistic mindset, one is only focused on the outcome (endgoal) rather than the process. Example: throwing a birthday party for a friend or child – focus entirely on everything being perfect (decorations, food, ensuring everyone had a good time when they left) rather than enjoying the moment. When we pursue excellence, we value the process, not just the outcome. We know that the learning, fun, relationships, and memories that we build along the way, are often as important as the outcome. The outcome isn't always a reflection of our effort, skills, or intelligence. Point 4: Perfectionists have a hard time adjusting their expectations  expectations are rigid, and there is only one way to do things. When we shift to striving for excellence, we adjust our standards/expectations to being fluid/flexible, meaning we can adjust our goals or expectations as needed. Example: doing a presentation at work – when preparing, decided to rest and go to sleep rather than stay up all night cramming. Although there may be disappointment after the presentation (noticing the mistakes), the excellence mindset encourages us to recognize when we've done our best and prioritized our health and well-being..

[Audio] With what we've talked about, what are some strategies someone could use to strive for excellence, rather than perfectionism? Examples: focus on what a mistake has taught me, reminding myself to enjoy the process (of painting, throwing a dinner party, etc) rather than focusing on the end goal. Setting goals that are realistic/can be met with effort and persistence. Forgiving myself if I fail. Allowing myself to have flexible goals (ex. If I don't reach a goal, I can change it/acknowledge that I've tried my best)..

[Audio] PDF will be sent after group . The Perfection Scale.

[Audio] Could do this as a group, or skip this slide if there is no time.

[Audio] Could do this as a group, or skip if there is no time.

[Audio] 1.7.2013 Myth or fact: What do you think and why?.

[Audio] 1.7.2013. It is possible to be a perfect human.

[Audio] 1.7.2013 This will transition group into touching on one component of self-compassion (which is common humanity).

[Audio] Brought up during last group, going to focus on 1 of the 3 components of self-compassion (3 components are kindness, common humanity, mindfulness if anyone asks – short descriptions below) Common humanity as a powerful way to feel connected to others (who have experienced pain and hardships before), rather than feeling alone. Youtube video is approx. 1.5 minutes which goes over common humanity. Can ask after video what they thought. Kindness: We are supportive and encouraging to ourselves, rather than being harsh or critical. Give ourselves unconditional acceptance and warmth. Common Humanity: Recognizing that experiencing hardships is normal, natural, and part of being human (and we're not alone in these experiences) Mindfulness: Being aware of the physical, emotional, or mental pain of the moment.

Good Enough is Good Enough https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RbtflLkVv4E.

[Audio] Thoughts or comments on "good enough is good enough".

“I will be patient with myself as I develop into the person I am meant to be. Being perfect is not the goal. Continuing to grow in a positive direction is the goal .”.

“The most valuable thing you can make is a mistake. You can’t learn anything from being perfect .” - Adam Osborne.

[Audio] 1.7.2013 You can use the Perfectionism Scale to help!.

[Audio] Feedback, questions, send them to us!. Contact Us!.