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[Audio] Chapter 4 – Friday. I hopped out of bed roughly half an hour past my alarm with quite a hangover. I was gonna be extra late but I didn't care if I pissed Krabs off. My alarm was set to the right time but my foghorn was blowing quietly with faint squeals. I grabbed one of my fresh air canisters labeled, 'The driest, purest, most airiest air in the whole sea' [53]. Sandy introduced me to these babies back when trailing the Hash-Slinging Slasher was making me lick every day because, when full at least, the high-quality air blows hard enough and loud enough to wake me from drunk slumbers. While getting ready for work, I was thinking about my dream. I should have realized I was dreaming as soon as Squidward arrived at my house or better yet when Krabs offered to give me a raise, I thought chuckling to myself. The dream was important, however, because it gave me a mental ultimatum: either retire to desk duties while other officers try to inefficiently solve this case without the Spotters or go rogue and solve this case through any means necessary by somehow paying for the Spotters. I chose the latter given that I desperately want to answer Sandy's cry for help so that she can feel safe. I was gonna finish this case as quickly as I can and I was not gonna wait on Mr. Krabs's money since I was certain it would never come. I'll go there on my own, try to strike a deal, and hopefully my own finances can cover it. This job pays me well and I should still make ends meet. Besides I care more about justice and my love for Sandy than I do about materialistic purchases. I punched in at the Krusty Krab, opened my desk drawer, grabbed my Glock 19 and badge then caught the next bus at the stop across from the Krusty Krab. Fortunately, Krabs wasn't around to give me lip for being late and for not going straight to my desk duties. I remained undercover on the bus and knew that it would eventually reach Sea and Urchin, since that was in the heart of Rock Bottom's downtown core. That is unless anchovies force the driver to take a detour. When I got off at the stop, I saw a group of muscular fish walking out of the bar intoxicated. I passed them and got close enough to the door to hear muffled metal playing..

[Audio] When I stepped inside, there was no one on stage but the speakers were blasting the bar's regular tunes and I knew I would have to talk loudly to be heard. It was evident that the bars in this city attract patrons at all times since it was pretty packed in the late morning. Most were anchovies licking or scooping hard ice creams and playing pool. "Dammit", I muttered. There were so many anchovies and I couldn't see one carrying a staff. I walked up to the bartender who was a frighteningly jacked lantern fish tatted from head to toe. It was relatively dark in the bar but his biological headlamp gave him enough light to do work. I said I was looking to do business with the Rock Bottom Spotters. He immediately stopped rinsing bowls, shone his light at me, and looked me up and down with narrowed eyes. Then he put his fin to his lips and gave a loud whistle. Four anchovies at one of the pool tables, who were using peculiar-looking pool cues like the bamboo poles of jellyfish nets, slid the poles into the straps on their backs and then escorted me to a room. The music quieted but I waited for the door to close fully before flashing my badge and ID..

[Audio] "Don't worry, I'm not here to arrest you", I said with assurance, "I'm a cop looking to do business". When the Spotters read my ID one asked, "Sponge? Wait meep. Hold on. Meep a sponge like you was with us in Jellyfish Fields when we were the Jelly Spotters meep like five years ago. That wasn't you was it meep?" [43]. "Actually, it was", I said casually while pulling out my bubble pipe. A different suspicious Spotter piped up. "Meep if you're the same sponge. What happened that day meep?". They all squinted their eyes suspiciously. "Let's just say that if it wasn't for my delicious bubble pie, the King Jelly would have eaten us instead" [43]. I blew some bubbles. "Oh my God meep", they said in unison. They looked at each other and then one said, "You saved our lives meep so it would be an honor to serve you free of charge". The rest nodded in agreement. Another anchovy piped up. "Our lives are at your disposal meep. Just tell us what to do". "That is very nice of you all to do that. I am flattered. But I only need one of you at the moment. The best-looking one, which is you in the far back. You can come with me. I need your business number so I can call the rest of you when the time is right". The Spotter handed me a business card as we made our way out. I asked for a lift to the Krusty Krab so the Spotter tossed his pole into the trunk of a slick five-seater sports boat, hopped in the driver's seat, and, when I sat shotgun, we revved off. By the time we arrived, I had told the Spotter the complete back story needed to impersonate Octavius Rex. This was under the assumption that the information I received from the wounded anchovy was true. As he was parking his boat, I looked around to make sure Krabs wasn't in sight or peering through a window so he can lash at me for going behind his back. Then I turned to the Spotter, "You know I always keep a spare firearm in my desk. I can grab it if you don't have one". "Meep, no thank you Joe Sponge. We, vigilantes, don't believe in killing meep. We are trained in kung-fu and will rough people up meep but we will never pull the trigger. We are also tech-savvy meep and willing to perform cyber attacks if needed. Meep we can operate on both the hardware and software of computers and create a wide range of malware meep as well as hack high-security networks". "Your technical skills could come in handy. But since you're trained in kung-fu, is that why you each converted your old jellyfish nets into staves?". "Yup meep. These light and hard bamboo poles are the perfect staff for knocking people out. Incapacitation is our bread and butter meep". "You guys probably feel a lot less regret that way. We officers always feel bad when our bullets become fatal. It's accepted as part of the job but maybe your tactics could improve the Police Force", I said as we hopped into my police boat parked around the side. We began heading to The Wash in downtown Bikini Bottom. I knew I would need backup so I got on the radio asking for four squads to rendezvous at the club's rear. I parked on a side road directly behind The Wash and.

[Audio] The bouncer looked at each of us and said, "I don't need your IDs". This wasn't the first time my facial hair helped me bypass getting carded, I thought to myself. I doubt he would have let cops through if he works for the Porpoise. He continued. "But everyone needs to buy a cone if you wanna stick around". We walked through the first door and the music got louder. It was a dark room with a coat check in the back. I pulled out cash from the ATM and its bright light lit up the door beside it. When we walked through that second door, I could feel the bass in my chest. The bar was on our immediate right so I slapped some cash down andbought us each a cone with just one scoop. We didn't want to be tipsy for our mission. The place was packed with fish blowing cigarette bubbles and every single washing machine next to the bar was going to work. The rest of the strip club panned out to our left. The only laundry mat across the sea floor with a bar and a show full of eye candy. It's a smart business since most people get bored when doing laundry. Plus, if someone accidentally blows a load they can simply do a load, I thought chuckling to myself. Vibrantly colored female fish in nothing but g-strings and fishnet stockings spun around poles on stage while others danced on laps in chairs seated across the floor. These exotic colorful dames were reeling in plenty of fish and I could understand why. My deepest urges wanted me to pull out cash and make some colors whirl. But my washing machine fix would have to wait for another time [53]. My temptation dissipated as we walked to the back of the club. There was a door at the end of a long hallway. We walked through it and the music quieted down but when we tried to open the second door, it was locked. The lighting was very poor in this makeshift waiting room. We could hear a loud commotion between two girls on the inside. We quietly licked our ice creams while listening in. The bouncer looked at each of us and said, "I don't need your IDs". This wasn't the first time my facial hair helped me bypass getting carded, I thought to myself. I doubt he would have let cops through if he works for the Porpoise. He continued. "But everyone needs to buy a cone if you wanna stick around". We walked through the first door and the music got louder. It was a dark room with a coat check in the back. I pulled out cash from the ATM and its bright light lit up the door beside it. When we walked through that second door, I could feel the bass in my chest. The bar was on our immediate right so I slapped some cash down andbought us each a cone with just one scoop. We didn't want to be tipsy for our mission. The place was packed with fish blowing cigarette bubbles and every single washing machine next to the bar was going to work. The rest of the strip club panned out to our left. The only laundry mat across the sea floor with a bar and a show full of eye candy. It's a smart business since most people get bored when doing laundry. Plus, if someone accidentally blows a load they.

[Audio] The first words I picked up came from a girl who sounded like there was a frog stuck in her throat. "Why do you talk to me when you can see that I'm pissed? Jared was a loyal hard worker and now he's got a bullet wound in his leg fin and cuffs around his arm fins. I told you that ambush was a bad idea. All for a street corner in front of a stupid bus station". A girl with a deeper coarse voice responded. "Come on, the bus station and stop on that corner are always busy. The risk is way worth the reward when you consider the amount of dough we can rake in from that spot. To be honest, if it wasn't for Sharon driving off like a coward, we wouldn't have had any losses". A high-pitched voice piped up. "Shut the hell up bitch you would have done the same. If I waited for him we would both be in cuffs". The deeper voice continued. "Let's just get over it and move on because my issue has nothing to do with that. All I was saying initially is that I'm the one who sweet-talks anchovies the best and rolls more dough from deals. Stacey was flabbergasted after crunching the numbers when she found out how much money comes from my deals and how much is distributed into everyone's pocket including yours. Stacey may not be at the top but she's above you so you're to do what she says". The girl with the frog in her throat chuckled before saying, "You silly slut. Wha' did she tell ya?". "Stacey said you had some dough for me" [54]. "That a fact? How much do I owe ya?". "Stacey said 10%". "Too bad Stacey ain't in charge no more". "What do you mean?". "She cracked like the bitch she is and quit the game last night. Went on about some bullshit about being afraid of the law catching up to her. But she's got nowhere to go. I bet she's working the poles or worse, a street corner fending for herself". "Wait so just because she quit, we're now somehow square?". "Look, I'm feeling very generous. I'm willing to take valuable time out of my day to call Boss and set you up with one of her pimps. Consider it a friendly gesture because they take care of their women and you won't have to worry about your next meal. Huh? How does that sound?". "Okay I'm sorry. Please don't call the Big Fat Meanie. It is just been stressful working under these conditions". "You know what I want right now?". [54]. I'm gonna give you to the count of ten to get your ugly, yella, no-good keister back to work before I pump your guts full of lead. One. Two..." We interrupted her with a knock. She continued. "Whoever it is, leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here" [54]. "It's Rex, meep. I come in peace with two of my compadres". The door slider slid open and two eyes peered at us and then it shut. We heard whispers. "It's a gorgeous anchovy with a female fish and a sponge". Then there were more whispers. "Sounds about right". The girl with the frog in her throat started yelling, "Is that so? You have no business being here. I should come out there and pop a cap in yo ass". I told the Spotter the back story and he was quick on his feet when it came to show-time. Nancy and I nervously licked our ice cream and I was.

[Audio] The door opened and the Spotter was the first to enter. She continued. "You know it's been like over four years since I've seen your face back at 'Elementary Prom'. You've changed a little but you definitely still fit the name 'Long, Tan, and Handsome'", she said with a giddy chuckle. I thought to myself, so Rex was who I got my dummy to live up to. Pearl continued. "My high school prom is coming soon near my 18th birthday. Maybe we can each convince our bosses to come to an then so you can make up to me by coming to this prom". I stepped inside with Nancy. A group of teenage girls in pink ski masks and anchovies were crushing seaweed seeds while operating beakers and Bunsen burners. I looked closely at their ski masks and saw that they all had a narwhal imprinted above the eye holes [85]. I assumed that was their gang symbol. I tried wrapping my head around why the girls were concerned about concealing their identity when anchovies weren't. I figured at that age you wouldn't want anyone, even fellow gang members, to know who you are. It would be bad if word got to your family that you deal drugs in a violent gang. Well, the young whale here probably doesn't hide her identity since it's nearly impossible being that big. "Pearl?". I gasped. "SpongeBob? What are you doing with Rex". "The name's Joe Sponge now and that's not Rex, he's a vigilante". "We're cops", said officer Nancy flashing her badge, "And you're all under arrest". The three of us dropped our cones at the same time and ice cream splattered on the floor. Nancy and I drew our guns and aimed them at Pearl so that she couldn't wield the Tommy gun on her desk. The Spotter got into a crouching tiger pose to cover our rear. One cocky girl sitting at a nearby table stood up and pulled out a pistol but the Spotter quickly reacted and roundhouse kicked it out of her hand. Then in one fluid motion, he used his spinning momentum to deliver a second roundhouse kick straight to her head knocking her out cold and causing her to collapse to the floor. He ran over to pick up the gun and after unloading it, chucked the clip across the room. I began scolding. "I'm disappointed in you Pearl", I said sternly, "Wait till I tell your father that...". Before I could finish I was cut off by a muffled Krabs yelling from behind a side room door. "Okay Pearl, here's your cut!". He opened the door and locked eyes with me. "I mean allowance", he quickly corrected himself sheepishly. I immediately felt a knot in my stomach. Out of instinct, I pointed the barrel of my Glock 19 at Krabs's head using two hands to settle the gun since I was shaking. Nancy kept her pistol pointed at Pearl. "Krabs?", I gasped in horror. "No. You're my boss. I work for you to serve justice. Wait". My world was shattered. This was harder to wrap my head around than the Wumbology lessons I took from Patrick [89]. But like Patrick taught me, maybe my mind was set to mini making me biased and closed-minded about Mr. Krabs. All I had to do was switch it to Wumbo and become open-minded enough allowing me to acknowledge that Krabs is so greedy, he should be willing to break the law for more money. My mind quickly shifted.

[Audio] A sniffling Krabs in the back couldn't wipe his tears since his claws were cuffed behind his back so everything just dripped from his head hung low. I broke the ice with a chuckle and said, "It's kind of obvious now why you never wanted to talk about Bikini Bottom's gang history". Then I locked eyes with him through the rear-view window and said, "But I think we need to talk about your staged robbery down at the Krusty Krab". Images and information about the incident stored in my unconscious flooded my mind's eye. Many of the puzzle pieces were already subconsciously put together. I started spewing what made the most sense. "If you weren't Cheapy the Cheapskate, I might still believe we were actually robbed, but all the evidence points back to you old man [41]. It seemed very strange that any robber would waste time scraping off the seeds of each bun and risk getting caught when they could steal the whole bag. But you obviously did that so you could still use the buns to save a buck. The mess you made was pretty convincing but I bet you didn't call a forensics team because the evidence would have led back to you. You just wanted to stall me so that I wouldn't discover what you did to the buns. I'm somewhat surprised you let some storage room food get dirty but you've been willing to sell spoiled Krabby Patties in the past [57]. The biggest blunder was that it seemed oddly convenient that the robbers ransacked nothing else but the storage room leaving the register untouched. You could have made it look like it was robbed but you're too emotionally attached to your precious cash register to cause it any harm since you raised it as a baby calculator [60]. Plus, you're obsessed with keeping it filled to the precise dollar and cent amount earned each day. You break down when it's a penny short [61]. Lastly, you never forget to lock the doors or reset the burglar alarms at the Krusty Krab. But by saying you forgot both meant you didn't have to sell the break-in with a broken window or a busted door nor would you have to upgrade your security system. Both would have been costly. My question to you Mr. K, is when did you scrape off the seeds? At the end of our shifts when we left or early in the morning before we got there?". He sighed before speaking. "Neither. If the restaurant lights were on at those times, it would have drawn customers who would have become witnesses. I walked to the Krusty Krab in the middle of the night so no one would be around. I locked everything up when I was done and got some sleep. I arrived extra early to make sure you guys wouldn't see me unlock the doors and disable the burglar alarm from the outside like I do every morning. Then I lied by telling everyone it was unlocked all night". I nodded through the rear-view mirror. Tony and Nancy came out the backdoor and approached my vehicle to speak through the driver's side window. Nancy pulled out a sheet of paper from her back pocket while saying, "We didn't find anything significant that could connect this joint to another drug den which suggests it's their only operation. But we investigated a computer in the room Krabs walked out of and luckily it was.

[Audio] "I can't argue with that, boy. Okay, I swear this is as true as the deep blue [64]. So Mrs. Puff had a husband and they lived together in New Kelp City. Mr. Puff was a good man. He had a stable job and house and wanted to start a family with Mrs. Puff who had a legit boating school at the time. Then some of Puff's friends got hooked on illegally spiked foods they bought in the Trench Market. Morphine may have been popular in the early 1900s but Puff and I were around in the late 1900s when Heroin became the go-to drug since it was more refined and potent than Morphine. Heck, I even got hooked during the Battle for Bikini Bottom at the tail end of the Vietnam war. Me Navy comrades and I used it as painkillers and went from being tough to being wimps when we couldn't live without it. 'Iron Abs Krabs' was my navy nickname but every single ab turned into flab since my addiction [65]. I haven't been tough ever since". "Don't sell yourself short. You're still tough. Hell you eat bowls full of nails for breakfast". [46]. "I do lad but, between you and me, ever since the war ended, I've been adding milk". I raised my eyebrows looking at him through the rear-view mirror and spoke in a serious tone. "Damn Mr. K. Your secret is safe with me. Just tell your cellmates you still eat 'em dry so they at least respect you". "That's actually a good idea", he said with a chuckle. "But if it wasn't for rehab cleaning me up during my depression, I wouldn't have even converted the old folks home into the Krusty Krab in the first place [10]. Anyway, Puff eventually lost all her friends. Some died of overdoses and others were arrested, but she gained insight into how to run a lucrative business in the Trench Market and began selling straight Heroin as well as infusing it into foods. With a birth name like "Poppy Puff", she was destined to be good at converting poppy seeds into high-quality Heroin. She managed to live duo lives: boating school instructor and innocent wife by day then corrupt drug lord by night. Everything was going smoothly until Mr. Puff found boxes in the basement full of dirty money. Underneath the money were plastic-wrapped bricks of black tar Heroin. He scolded Mrs. Puff for her secret criminal lifestyle and made her choose either him or her corrupt business. She chose the business. But this got Mr. Puff angry since they'd been together for so long and even threatened to rat her out if she didn't reconsider her choice. Well, she made her choice loud in clear when she poured a deadly amount of Heroin into his beverage one dinner. When he began feeling funny he turned to Mrs. Puff and screamed 'What did you do to me?'. She boastfully revealed what she had done triggering rage in Mr. Puff. He grabbed her by the neck slamming her up against the fridge. He proceeded to choke her with one fin while giving her hard open-hand smacks to the head and face with his other fin. The fight toned down as the Heroine overtook Mr. Puff's body weakening his grasp and his smacks but poor Puff Mama was still in somewhat of a choke-hold. She claimed that she got lucky because she was on the verge of going.

[Audio] I pulled him from the back seat and we walked through the front doors. I flashed my badge and ID then two prison guards proceeded to let me by. When I got him into an empty cell, I took everything from his pockets, uncuffed him, then locked the door behind him. "You're gonna serve detention here until your trial but because you gave me good information, I'll make sure the courts reduce your sentence and lower your bail". "Thanks, lad", he said with his head hanging low. "I underestimated your skill as a detective. You are highly overqualified for this kinda work. I should have promoted you right when you first asked.". "That's alright Mr. K. Think of it this way. If you promoted me sooner, I would have caught you sooner". "That's true. Well the timing seems right because I did just get a haircut yesterday and shaved this morning so at least I'll look good for me mug shots". We both chuckled "Wait you have hair? I ask with a cheeky grin. "Oh yea. But I've been buzzing it to the grain lately because it hides me bald spots". We continued laughing to mask our sadness and gave our farewells. I had flashbacks of my dream where Krabs's selfies seemed like mug shots. I guess I'm not surprised Krabs would be narcissistic even in jail. I pulled out my phone as I walked out the doors to call the Chief. When he answered I said, "Sir I have both good news and bad news. The good news is I busted the Porpoise's gang, who was operated by Pearl, but you're not gonna believe who was running the show from behind the scenes. Mrs. Puff is at the top but the drug lord she employed was one of our own". "Puff eh? Wow, I guess the rumors about her are true. You said one of our own was under her so let me guess: Sargent Krabs?". "How did you know?". "I kind of figured that lazy cheapskate was doing something shady. He's always desperate to make another buck". "That's a good point. "Plus I've seen enough crooked cops in my day. It's enticing to be both a cop and a crook. Especially if you get into a high-ranking position with power. You can orchestrate officers beneath you to bust your rivals while keeping yourself scot-free from any investigation". "Krabs tried to pull that with me by not funding the vigilantes. I got lucky though 'cause I went rogue and the Spotters want to serve me for free since I saved their lives a long time ago. "You went rogue? That's good stuff. You got an extra edge now. I like that". " You got that right", I said pompously. "Anyway, I just sent him to the Bikini Bottom Jail and took everything out of his pocket, including the keys to the Krusty Krab". "That's high-risk high-reward detective work, Joe. If you failed and Krabs was innocent, you would have been fired for going against your orders. But the fact you succeeded and arrested a crooked superior is the kind of stuff that earns promotions. Hang on to those keys. Based on the stellar work you've done, I am promoting you to Sargent and restaurant owner of the Krusty Krab. You will be working directly under me. You're my number one detective so I'm not gonna make you do tedious work. You're gonna be tasked with our toughest cases which I know you can handle and actually prefer. Plus I'll get Squid and the fry cook to take turns doing customer service which.